CEDARBURG 鈥 Pure joy for Heather Oechsner was hearing the giggles, squeals, belly laughs and comical "girl screams" throughout the house as her son, Denny, played Xbox with his friends, rough-housed with his youngest brother, Jonah, or put his oldest brother, Cole, in a headlock.
For Bryan Oechsner, it was the road trips he and his son would take, like the one to Indianapolis less than a month ago or to Phoenix in March 2022.
The two were particularly close.
Last Wednesday night, Denny came home around 10 p.m., told his dad he loved him before he went to bed. Bryan Oechsner smiled, proud that his teenage son still told his dad he loved him.
"Faith, family and friends" is a nice expression for home decor, but it is exactly what is sustaining the couple and their large extended family through some very dark hours.
After years of sometimes-crippling hits to his head from sports-related injuries, primarily soccer, Denny was looking for heaven to escape the damage in his brain, his mom wrote in a Facebook post.
He sent out messages to his family early Thursday, telling them that they loved them, then drove to the Ulao Parkway Bridge, took his life, "yearning for heaven and the arms of Jesus," according to his family.
In the depths of her heaviest hours, Heather Oechsner heard singing coming from her backyard Thursday night. A group from church had gathered in the backyard to sing worship songs, hymns and prayer. She pressed a hand against the window screen to show she heard them and they gave her strength.
The next night, the group tripled in size.
Denny鈥檚 soccer teammates will Wear DO It For Denny (DO also being his initials) on their jerseys when they play next month and will start the game with 10 men, instead of the standard 11.
Denny鈥檚 friends, including his street-named "Thornapple Gang," have spent the night with the family, sleeping (spending the days in his room and the nights sleeping in the basement) in Denny鈥檚 room and looking after Jonah.
Cole, is a freshman at MSOE. Having had to go back already, the college is doing a great job taking care of him, his family said.
All three boys were born within four years. Denny loved the outdoors, chickens, his friends, his family, business, cars, and most especially soccer.
"He was beyond fearless," Bryan Oechsner said.
But his fearlessness and his competitive drive wouldn鈥檛 allow him to give up soccer, even after a series of serious concussions that his parents believe led to CTE, short for chronic traumatic encephalopathy. It is a progressive degenerative disease affecting people who have suffered repeated concussions and traumatic brain injuries. It can cause brain damage similar to that seen in Alzheimer鈥檚 disease.
According to the National Institutes of Health, in a study of brains from contact sport players who died before reaching 30, more than 40% had CTE. The findings confirm that CTE can occur even in young people, but more work is needed to determine how CTE relates to clinical symptoms.
The NIH report said that clinical evaluations of those with CTE revealed frequent cognitive, behavioral and mood symptoms. These included depression, apathy, impulsivity and impaired decision-making.
Denny suffered his first concussion in first grade when he was running full speed in a game, turned and hit a metal pole.
"It was bad," his mom said. "He missed weeks and weeks of school."
He needed to stay in a dark room and his personality even changed, his parents said.
In fourth grade, Denny was trying to tug a ball out of his brother鈥檚 hands and fell backwards into a brick wall.
Two years later, Denny experienced what his mom said was his worst soccer head injury. He was knocked to the ground. Hard. So hard he had to be carried off the field.
Only after doctors cleared him to play was he allowed to return to the game.
In seventh grade, Denny was hit in the head with a soccer ball first in the front of the head, then immediately in the back of his head. The quickness with which it happened was enough to rattle his brain, his parents said, and Denny was kept out of school for a week.
His parents always thought each was the last one. They had testing done on Denny at Children鈥檚 Wisconsin and had him wear a concussion band around his head for two years. The band reduces the risk of concussions.
鈥淲e had to have really hard conversations somewhere around these points 鈥. about 鈥楧enny, if this happens again, we might have to be done with soccer for the rest of our life,鈥欌 Bryan Oechsner said.
And then came 鈥渉eaders,鈥 his dad said. At age 13, soccer players are allowed to start using their head to hit the ball.
Denny, who had played soccer since the age of 4, had been playing with the Milwaukee Bavarians, a Glendale-based club open to soccer players from around southeast Wisconsin. He also played for his Living Word Lutheran High School team.
He was a defender, which involved frequent heading to stop the ball. His dad said Denny was very, very careful with his technique to avoid injuries.
Denny then had a long stretch with no concussions.
Until last year. In April he had a kick to the head. In May, in a state cup game, Denny broke his nose when he ran full speed and hit another player鈥檚 head. But he refused to leave the game, shoving gauze in his nostril to quell the bleeding.
Three weeks ago, while warming up before a game in Brookfield, Denny ran into a pole. It was serious enough that they sat him out of the game.
Then came the migraines. 鈥淗e hasn鈥檛 been the same since,鈥 his mom said, adding that he was keeping a lot of his pain to himself. 鈥淗e鈥檚 lost his light in the last year, Everybody said it.鈥
Denny played his next three games in Indianapolis three weeks ago when he and his dad took a road trip, just the two of them.
He played his last game on March 10.
Heather Oechsner said they monitored Denny closely as did his coaches. They frequently asked him what his pain level was on a scale of 1-10. None would have allowed him to play if they thought he suffered any long-term damage.
Both parents believe their son had CTE, which led him to take such drastic action last week.
鈥淗is whole life has been this propensity (concussions),鈥 his mom said.
But there was so much more to Denny than soccer. He had a passion for business that dated back to the family鈥檚 first Cedarburg home on a large Pleasant Valley Road farm property. His first business was a farm stand, selling homegrown produce to passersby.
Last summer, he and a friend started a pressure-washing business. They were so excited for their first 鈥 and only 鈥 customer at the end of the summer, Denny鈥檚 parents said. They had bought all of the needed equipment and were looking forward to growing the business this summer.
Denny had planned to study business at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix after high school. He had two older cousins, who also attended the school. He also knew it was a Christian school with a good business program.
Denny also worked as a manager at Firehouse Subs in Grafton. He was a devout Christian who spent his first six years at First Immanuel Lutheran and his high school years at Living Word, where his mom is a teacher and his dad is a counselor. It wasn鈥檛 unusual for Denny to talk to customers about Jesus.
鈥淒enny wanted to go to Jesus when he was on that bridge. He knows, he鈥檚 been raised to know, that heaven has a place for us. God has prepared a place for us. He鈥檚 in God鈥檚 family,鈥 Heather Oechsner said. 鈥淲hatever was going on in his brain that day was too much.鈥
Bryan Oechsner said Sheriff鈥檚 Deputy Brad Arndt broke the news to him about Denny. Arndt is a 鈥渂ig guy鈥 who was gentle and the 鈥渞ight person for the job.鈥
The detective and the Ozaukee County interim Medical Examiner Mary Davis took all of the time the family needed and never rushed them, Oechsner said. The couple鈥檚 good friend, Cedarburg Police Capt. Ryan Fitting, was at their side almost immediately.
鈥淭hey were sent by God,鈥 Bryan Oechsner said.